Quick Review
We all have to use persuasion in our everyday lives.
Whether personally or professionally, the ability to sway opinion
is a trait of people who get things
accomplished. Great Leaders are all excellent
communicators. They get their visions
& ideas to become something people want
to carry through to
reality vs. have to work on.
Let's take a quick review of the 8 Skills in Winning People
to Your Side...
1. Asking Questions 
2. Active Listening
3. Paraphrasing
4. Summarizing their Perspective
5. Asking for Permission to Express Your
Feelings
6. The 3 P's - Personality, Passion and
Purpose
7. Collaboration by Working Together
8. Asking for a Commitment - Being on the Same
Page & Moving Forward
If you've just joined the PROSALESGUY
BLOG, you'll find the first 4 Skills covered in previous
blogs.
It's Been All About Them
The first 4 Skills concentrated on you sincerely attempting to
understand someone else's perspective. Even though their
opinion may be very different than yours, you have been authentic
in your purpose to capture their
feelings. Those feelings are the basis of their
opinion & they have a right to feel the way they do. You
have also been diligent not to offer your opinion
through rebuttal or body language that gives the same
message. You have now earned the privilege to
express your feelings & where you are coming from.
Skill 5: Asking for Permission to Express Your
Feelings
Getting the other person's consent to now offer your feelings
& opinions may seem like a moot point. After all, why
wouldn't it be fair to have the same opportunity that you gave
them? Remember, you're the one who wanted to
know more about their perspective. This is why you
need to ask for their permission to do the same.
Who's Going to Say NO?
Think about it. You just spent a few minutes investing in
them. Are they really going to deny you the same? Once
they say yes, they are also subconsciously agreeing to the same
basic courtesy that you illustrated - the opportunity to express
yourself without interruption or disagreement.
In other words, you are asking them to put one of
your shoes on their foot after wearing one of theirs on yours.
You took the first step through leading by
example. Here's how...
(Your name), thanks for spending a few minutes
educating me on how you feel. I really do appreciate what
you're saying. Would it be OK if I tell you where I'm coming
from?"
Pick the face that would be best to have when delivering this
message. Be aware of it & make sure it's what the other
person sees. This will be tough. Nothing of substance
is easy anyway.
Are you Crazy Dave?
I hear your mind. You're saying "You want me to
tell them that I appreciate their comments when I disagree with
them & have a smile on my face as well?"
Yep. Look. Your job is not to agree or
disagree. It's to understand &
acknowledge. I didn't say you should agree.
I said appreciate. Knowing this should make it
easier to have a positive face. It's time for another
realization.
Get rid of the word BUT
This will be tougher. The
word BUT has been burned into your
everyday speech. You aren't even aware of
it. Everything before the word BUT is
BS. Imagine someone saying this to
you...
"(Your name), understanding your comments & where you're
coming from does make sense BUT...BLAH, BLAH,
BLAH."
No matter what you say after the
word BUT - BLAH, BLAH,
BLAH is all they will hear because they are now getting
ready to take
sides. BUT is negative,
patronizing, insincere, callous and condemning. It shows
no appreciation for the other person's feelings. You just
spend a few moments getting the innermost feelings of someone's
belief & behavior. They opened up & trusted
you. Now you use a word
like BUT as a trapdoor underneath where
they have been standing.
BUT, I didn't mean to!
Whoops catch yourself. That's the
first step in removing the word. Being aware of how this word
has crept into your language is the start of being a great
communicator. I see this all the time in my training
sessions; People wincing & throwing their hands in
the air 2 seconds after using the word.
Take it easy. This is not a surgical
procedure to removing your BUT appendix. It's a holistic
process; a work in progress.
OK, so what's a better word?
"(Your name), understanding your comments & where you're
coming from does make sense AND I'm
hoping you'll understand my perspective better once I
explain"
AND is a positive plus word. 2 and 6
= 8
If AND is tough to insert just stop
for a moment & take a pause...
"(Your name), understanding your comments & where you're
coming from does make sense. I'm hoping you'll understand my
perspective better once I explain."
See?
Isn't this a better way to communicate? You
accomplished everything you wanted & kept open the lines
of sharing with trust & rapport.
Find a Buddy or Two
This will help. Share the PROSALESGUY
BLOG with people who are open to self improvement
& tell them that everything before the word
BUT is BS. Your group will have fun catching each
other. The second you say BUT -
STOP!
Repeat the statement with the
word AND or just pause
between sentences. Do this for 1 week & you'll
see great results. Be careful!
BUT is a chronic disease & just when you think
it's gone it comes back. I have been aware of it for 20
years, & still it occasionally comes back when I'm least
expecting it.
In the next PROSALESGUY
BLOG, we will cover Personality,
Passion & Purpose.
Please feel free to share your thoughts and tell us of your
experiences in removing BUT from your
language. We would really enjoy that!
Thanks for reading!
Dave Warawa - PROSALESGUY